Class Activities

College Writing II Blog Link http://michaelsulwercw2.blogspot.com/

Group Peer Review w/ Mikeely Taylan of Alexandra Nakvosas's Synthesis Essay

Peer Review of Alexa’s Paper

Mike & Mikeely

TITLE – Don’t forget your title

              Dripping sweat, I was sure I couldn’t go on. “I’m not like them, this stuff doesn’t happen to me,” I thought to myself. As I was talking myself out of it, I realized I was still going. My mind was racing, telling me to stop. Before I knew it, I was back on my feet, with a perfect landing.

              Persistence is underrated. –try to not make it such a broad statement, but the idea is well understood Most people just assume, because they’ve never done it, they can’t do it.  I was the same. I was never very good at at anything. I wanted something to be a part of, so I joined dance. Everyone knew more than me and I wasn’t happy with that. I was constantly searching for a way to improve, a way to put myself over the top. One day, at a practice, my team found a skill we decided we wanted to learn. Noone *no one could do it. This skill was called a kip up. So I went home, and I watched the video of it more times than I could count. I studied the demonstrators hand placement, the way she distributed her weight for the correct momentum, and her landing pose. I tried it myself, and couldn’t even get off the ground. For weeks, I kept going back to this video and doing it over and over again. After extensive practice, and countless choices to give up, I was ready to. But I never let myself, I never really wanted to, I wanted to keep going.

*new paragraph I felt a drive within me that I had never experienced before this. I wanted to stop, but for some reason I just kept getting back into the position to try again. It was simple really, place your head on the ground, and hands beside it forming an equilateral triangle. Kick your legs up into a headstand and balance. Bring your legs down to almost a ninety degree angle, keeping them locked together, and swiftly flip them over to land on your feet in an upright squat position. Finally one day after practice, still no one could do this trick, I decided to give it another shot.

*new paragraph I was sweaty and exhausted from the two hours of dancing I’d just endured. But I went for it, I got into the practiced position and kicked up. I was full of nerves. I brought my legs down and went to flip, and before I knew what had happened I was standing on my feet. This is the dictionary definition of persistence. But to me, the real strive comes from when you can’t do it anymore, but you do. I wanted to make a life change, I wanted to be healthier. To work out regularly was of upmost priority. So I started taking classes at my local gym. I was used to working out on my own or with my team. No real push.

*new paragraph With myself, I had the luxury to slack, and with my team, I loved what I was doing so much, it was never a chore. But these classes were hard. My very first one I took, I was mortified. Everyone kept going with no hesitation, but I was struggling. I did not want to stop because none else had. I was sure my body couldn’t take it anymore. But somehow, I was still moving. I was still doing the sit-ups and keeping the same pace. I was perspiring and I was beat. Despite this, I couldn’t let these strangers see me stop. So somehow I kept going. Maybe that’s the beauty of group workout- to inspire each other to keep going. These was a point I’m sure my arms weren’t working anymore. But I was still doing push-ups. If I had been doing a solo workout I would have stopped 15 minutes in.

*new paragraph The class eventually ended. I felt amazing. I had no idea that I was capable of this. I saw people do it all the time and always thought “Wow, they must be in amazing shape,” but it was regular people who pushed each other. My body felt the best it had ever felt and I couldn’t let that feeling go. I was going to give up, I absolutely would have, but I didn’t. Somehow I kept working. And it was the most inspiring thing that ever happened to me.

              (insert checkmark) The statistics that show America and its level of laziness are shocking. “America is ranked number 1 in laziest country, followed by Canada and Belgium,” (Cinnon). We have adapted to settling for where we are at. Are we really going to improve that much? What are the chances that I accomplish my goal? Americans believe slim to none. So they don’t even try. They don’t realize a little bit of hard work and mental strength can get the job done.

[CONCLUSION   As humans, we were made to do amazing things. As Americans, we slack. We see something hard and we convince ourselves it is impossible. We congratulate people who win gold medals, or graduate at the top of their class. We know that they worked hard for that, and not everybody works that hard. But why? The person who won that gold medal pushed himself. It should not be that hard, if you think about it. You just keep going. But Americans have become okay with stopping. “Life starts at the end of your comfort zone” –Neale Donald Walsch. Persistence can only be seen in that state of extreme exhaustion. Because humans were made to achieve, persistence is the physical feeling that you need to stop, but the mental drive to keep going. ]

SOURCES- use stats on americans and laziness----- use info on Chinese accomplishments

1)      Answered in text above

2)      Paragraphs 2 and 4 really held the personal definition related to the thesis. I would try to relate your experience to an overall idea of why your experience was so meaningful and life-changing

3)      In the final 2 paragraphs you identified 2 credible sources but you did not tie them in well to an extent

4)      I personally would work on transitions as there are not that many. Also, I suggested new paragraph placement , which should help with transition and source connections

5)      We felt that the conclusion was strong, but some sentences were short and choppy. However, the use of an outside source helped boost your conclusion purpose!

6)      Highlighted in orange – Try not to start sentences with “but” or “and” and try to avoid run-ons, as they get confusing over time. (check mark is in yellow) 

Explainer Reflection- Compared to Design Plan

When looking back and comparing my final product to the design plan I see how much the paper really deviated from it. Rather I should say I see how much the paper grew around this design "trellis" and grew into its own organic piece of work. As it was a created product its not going to fully fit into the form as it grows into its own, however it is possible to see where the product comes from looking past the leaves and looking and seeing the bark knurled around this design trellis one can see what beginning the paper originally had. For my particular paper I used the design plan as simply a way to get my idea started. Its not so much as a plan as it is a way for me to put my ideas down in a general mind map, where I can go in and make it something that has a more guided finish. As I consider my work style spontaneous, I like to go in, empty my mind and simply write on a topic. Whatever form the paper takes that is what the general form the paper will be. It is then my job to try and cut back the growth into the plan of what it ought to be. Perhaps this is why I do not like writing papers that have a very narrowed and specified focus. By using intuition and random association while writing the paper, it will inevitably trail off into its own path depending on what is around me or what enters my mind at the time of writing. This is my preferred style of writing as it allows for creativity to flow. I think its rather hard to really plan a good piece of creative writing, even though this isn't necessary a creative piece, there is an element of wordsmithing that I think requires a greater degree of freedom for it to be fully realized.

My Research Question For Researched Argument Synthesis

.     I decided to do my topic of climate change denial because I want to understand why people still refuse to believe in climate change yet the evidence is very real and the consequences are dire if nothing is done about it. Is it a lack of information, or do they simply refuse to believe that the climate won’t take care of itself?

2.     I want to be able to answer why people refuse to believe in climate change or are against the idea of changing our ways so that we are more in line with protecting the environment and attempting to advert climate change.

3.     I already know that climate change is bad and that there is real evidence of its existence. What I do not understand is how someone can claim ignorance in face of the data that is presented to him or her. How do they benefit from still being a disbeliever? What do they need to hear to be able to take action or at least acknowledge this issue as being real. A person driver for me doing this is that I had an agriculture teacher that was adamant about climate change being fake even though agriculture is supremely dependent on the climate as well as weather. My teacher was always forcing his ideology down the student’s throats, and if you were not aligned to his ideals then you were ridiculed. I want to understand why someone would hold such an adamant opinion on a topic like this and how to deal with someone who is educating kids to believe in something without first questioning it or seeing the other side of the argument.

4.     I need to hear from people who do not agree with climate change and hear their arguments our and make an information judgement on what is the root cause of their sentiments. Is it economically motivated, such as big business not acknowledging  climate change  as an issue, or is it the idea that nothing happened before so why should it happen now? Or is it because people are scared to face the reality and potential impending doom if we do nothing about it.

5.     I need to read up about those who promote climate change and hear about what kind of counter arguments they hear, as well as see what climate change deniers have to say for themselves on the issue. If I can hear both sides of the argument and get an idea about what logical argument both sides have going for them. Then I might be able to ascertain why someone might disagree with the existence of severity of climate change.